Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
