Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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