i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize