How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
