What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize