it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
