he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
