Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
