Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
