wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
