community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
