she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
