I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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