so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
