ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
