TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
