Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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