ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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