I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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