I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
