Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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