He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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