Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
