the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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