i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize