He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
