I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
