is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
