so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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