Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
