She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize