Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
