Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
