apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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