Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
