it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
