I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
