I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
