She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
