so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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