Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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