Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
