Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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