the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
