To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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