Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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