Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
