I wish I only lived at night.
thus making me awesome and them whores
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Randomize
