i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize