Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
