"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
