i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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