I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
