oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No subtext here. People are naked.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
