Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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