Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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