i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
