I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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