While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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