just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize