He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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