there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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