tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
