I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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