we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize