Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
