why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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