The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize